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27

Feb

Lent: That Optional Easter Pre-Party

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2013 thus far has been quite distracting and like myself, you’ve probably been unable to function since learning Pope Benedict didn’t win the reelection, or you’ve been busy steady dodging meteorites, or you missed out on the Facebook event invite for the Lent kickoff party, or you’ve just been plain waffling about this whole Lent thing because that’s what being a Gen Y-er is all about…whatevs! So, now we’re about two weeks or so into this Lent thing and you still haven’t figured out what to give up for Lent. That’s quite alright. That’s why it goes for 40 days - sufficient time for you to flip-flop on what to give up, abstain until St. Patrick’s day, make some regrettable St. Patty’s day decisions, then recover for two weeks and finish strong on Easter. Well,  we’re here to guide you through the Lenten season of slaying vices while still maintaining your social status, fashion sense, and overall well-being as a beautiful person.

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07

Feb

Boxers vs. Briefs: Let’s Talk Testes Part Deux

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Now that Christmas is over, you’ve taken your junk out of that box (see Justin Timberlake’s greatest hit sans Timberland). Now you’re in limbo. You’re thinking, “what do I put my junk in now?” No need to fret. This is a common post-Yuletide dilemma. And thus, we fall upon our topic of discussion. I think you would agree it’s been too long since we’ve talked testes last (see Man’s Best Friend: His Mustache). While I know you’re waiting to know how I style my downstairs mohawk - unfortunately, no, this is not a downstair hair style guide - this piece is dedicated to exploring the two sides of the battle between BOXERS and BRIEFS aka good vs. evil.  A debate as old as the battle between Lucifer and Jesus, Republicans and Democrats, Celtics and Lakers, Ralph Nader and the pursuit of the presidency, and Lindsay Lohan and the pursuit of freedom (and modern relevance). When it comes down to it, it’s about personal preference. So. let’s get weird and talk about the cloth we prefer on our person.

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18

Jan

2012 Hangover

Been a while since our last post. We’ve been busy failing to stick to our New Years Resolutions. But the gym is so crowded with New Years Resolutioners, who will only be there for one month before they quit going, that I had no choice but to quit going. Now I finally have time to write. Congratulations on surviving a year of Mayan apocalypse jokes, #YOLO at the end of every facebook update, or worse, Mayan apocalypse jokes involving YOLO (YOLO, until 12/21/12…. #bullshitjoke). I certainly won’t miss being forced to watch long distance running, water polo, or synchronized swimming on TV. Thanks a lot Olympics! And I won’t miss election coverage, which forced me to actually watch CNN in real life instead of just pretending that I do to seem smart. Thanks a lot Obama!

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But at least we got some solid animal photo bombs this year. Obviously this one was the best.

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Indeed, while 2012 was a great year in general, it definitely had some not so great moments. The most terrible of all being when I accidentally watched Battleship on a plane. But it was something else in 2012 that truly haunts me to this day. On New Years Eve, 2012, I drank 500 glasses of champagne, and woke up the next morning with what felt like pneumonia, dysentery, and fever combined. Basically all of the deadliest Oregon Trail diseases joining forces to destroy my body from within. If I had to rate this hangover between 1 and 10, with 1 being a sneaky hangover you got from drinking two glasses of Merlot at dinner with your parents, and 10 being that sledgehammer of a two-day hangover which triggers your 35th vow to never drink again, this would have been an 11. I This is Spinal Tap'd it. It was a three-dayer, and no amount of pho or gatorade could cure it. At one point I contemplated pouring a gatorade into a bowl of pho, then cracking a raw egg into it, and tossing in a shot of whiskey for good measure. Then I realized this was disgusting and would surely make me vomit. Such was the seriousness of my condition.

I took this as a sign that I may actually be aging. Despite my best efforts. The extent of a hangover is a good indication of ones age. An 18 year old can probably chug six Zimas, take shots, stay out all night, and wake up the next morning feeling a little tired, but otherwise OK. Oh to be young! At 25, any shot will result in a mandatory five minute recovery period where everyone makes a scrunched up face while hunched over with hands on knees. But fear not! I have a solution. I propose that people just start drinking heavily when they turn 12. They’ll party hangover free for years before they finally hit terrible two-dayer territory. By the time they’re 18 they’ll have matured to the point of only drinking a glass of scotch at night to take the edge off. No hangover. I know what you’re thinking, “12-year-olds are too young to drink, they’ll get themselves into trouble!” You have a point. Better start at ten. What are ten-year-olds going to do? Get wasted and go play with legos? Actually, that sounds kind of like what I do now. Point taken. Either way, lets hope 2013 brings a kinder, gentler hangover. Happy New Year folks!

-KE

14

Dec

Stumbling Santa (SantaCon)

If you haven’t been in a Macy’s since early September, it’s possible you might not know it’s the Christmas season. Macy’s is where Christmas pregames, gets all loose, and ready to blackout at the party that is December.  image

This month, people just tend to give less fucks (at least two), care more about interpersonal relationships, and connecting with their feelings.  And why not, this lack of motivation which more than likely leads to a lack of production at your place of work, ironically coincides with the month where you will spend the most money on dumb shit. Not to say the rest of the months are devoid of dumb spending decisions, but this month you’re morally forced to make poor purchases for other people. Tip: offset that by buying yourself a gift for every gift you purchase for others. Similarly, wrap those self-gifted presents, place under tree, and open them at your own pace. Then Christmas comes any day of the week. That’s how I interpret the phrase “to give is to receive.”

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07

Dec

Sweater Season - The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It’s that time of year folks! November is finally over. You’ve gained 5 pounds, but you could probably stand to gain 5 more. Bring on the holidays! Time to crank up Warm 106.9 and listen to Delilah spin those Christmas classics. Prepare yourself to listen to hundreds of versions of the same 10 songs for the next month and fucking LOVE IT! Listening to Micheal Buble try to sing the sexually charged “Santa Baby” as a man and not make it weird never gets old. ”I’ve been a sweetie all year, Santa buddy / So hurry up the chimney tonight”. Awesome.

Not to mention the decorations. If your apartment looks like a gloomy prison meant for crying and drinking alone, throw a Christmas tree in it. Boom! Magical. A nativity scene would be even better. My co-blogger Thomas suggested a live nativity scene involving a group of people, dressed up as shown below, assembling in an unsuspecting neighbors front lawn, and acting out a full graphic birth scene. It’s even better than caroling! It was the greatest thing that’s ever come out of his mouth. (NOTE: Getting a live camel may be tough, so plan ahead)

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After said neighbors have thanked you and provided you with refreshments, move to the next block. You’re welcome quiet neighborhood of St. Louis Heights! Especially you, that one creepy neighbor who always plays TV super loud and glares at me from his creepy window. You’re getting nativitied big time.

All these aspects make Christmas great, but there is something that will contribute much more to your overall enjoyment of the Holidays: Christmas sweaters. If you don’t have one, you might as well tattoo bah humbug on your forehead and steal presents from little impoverished orphan children. Here’s a little sample of what I’m talking about.

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This guy NAILED IT! As a bonus, he’s supplementing his zip-up sweater vest with an amazingly stylish turtleneck. Everyone appreciates a good Christmas sweater, so sometimes they’re hard to find. I myself had to cut the shoulder pads out of a glorious plus size woman’s cardigan, but it’s now my prized possession. Don’t limit yourself. And don’t needlessly restrict the sweater’s uses. Don’t use them only for ugly Christmas sweater parties, these bad boys merit more frequent wearings. Business meeting? Hello promotion! First date? Only if you plan on getting some! Gym? Sweater vest, no shirt, gun show! Parent/teacher conference? Better believe the elementary teacher will be wearing one. And if you want their respect, so will you. 

The power of the Christmas sweater is magnified when combined with other Christmas sweaters. A group of people getting together, wearing Christmas sweaters, drinking copious amounts of hot buttered rum, and posing for awkward photos, is likely to be the greatest party of the year. Make it happen! To exemplify this point, I Google image searched “awkward family photos + Christmas sweaters” and came across a surprising trend. The somewhat disturbing prevalence of male nudity in family photos. Since male nudity, ugly sweaters, and awkward family photos are three of the funniest things ever, you can imagine the results.

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There are many more like this! View at your own risk. But no matter what you do, pick up a Christmas sweater, and be good for goodness sake! Happy Holidays!

-KE

30

Nov

Man’s Best Friend: His Mustache H8 vs. <3

Manhood and the mustache. You may say I was redundant just there, placing synonyms next to each other…. what’s the point? Well there was a point! REWIND… Back in the 1600s, the mustache was discovered when a man in France was freed from prison and decided to shave his face but ran out of shaving cream (which I’m sure they used back then) just before tending his upper lip beard. And voila, the mustache was born.  Since then, the mustache has been an above-the-neck power play. It was a statement, a fashion icon, a source of lady and dragon-slaying abilities.

To each, his own hero.

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29

Nov

Alright, sports fans. Apologies to all the dedicated Guys on Guys and Sometimes Girls blogtalk followers…all 13 of you. I would deliver a handwritten note to each of you. It wouldn’t take that long. But it would go against my virtue of laziness.

[Clear the throat] Sorry for our absence. We took a timeout there to focus on our other jobs - our bill-paying occupations. What your parents may call a career. That was dumb. And we apologize. Lawd knows the issues of our fashion and style environment are much more pressing. Believe you me, every moment we were dedicating ourselves to our real jobs, I thought about you- you who were left opinion-less, directionless on the real issues, and passionless about looking damn good. Hopefully, in our intellectual hibernation, you’ve been working on your glamour muscles and are ready for ironic Christmas sweater vest wearing season, cuz it’s right on our doorstep, elves (to be explored later).

Enough jibber jabber…in summary: we’re sorry. Check back soon for some new stuff, ya hear. But as always, only the real issues.

Summary: Tomorrow…new post…let the above picture be a warning. We’re back. For now.

P.S. Shouts out to @daguerrotypewriter for the motivational message. We really don’t get enough of those as adults. Everybody needs a life coach every now and then. Example life coaches of my youth: Martha Stewart, Brian Wilson and his beard, and Sanjay Gupta…Reasons for getting waived from part-time T-Rexy life coach duty: jail time, injury and absence from the media, and gave me some dodgy fashion/medical advice. All I have left is Will Smith - and that’s limited to re-runs of Fresh Prince due to unsuccessful movie choices… That’s Nick at Nite for you ignorant Disney kids out there. 

- T. Rexy out
Guys on Guys and Sometimes Girls Vice-Dictator, PhD.

assorted-goodness:

Superstaches - by Wes Montgomery

Artist: Tumblr || Twitter || Facebook || Website

19

Oct

Funk it! It’s Friday

Time to get that music fix. This weeks theme: Covers. My favorite is when popular artists prove they have good taste and cover a great indie song, thereby increasing their indie cred and hopefully getting the original song and artist more attention. Check out some examples.

Ellie Goulding getting her Active Child on. This one makes a lot of sense. The original is amazing.

Cee-Lo covering Band of Horses was a little more surprising, but he nailed it. And the video is emotional as hell. NSFW (always wanted to legitimately type that).

And Mumford and Sons covering indie gods the National.

Enjoy these! And check out the originals too.

15

Oct

F@ck! It’s Monday

So, here we find ourselves: on Monday with a serious weekend hangover. Music gets me through. Get your week started with some artists and some other things to look forward to.

On Friday, we made sweet love to Jai Paul’s Jasmine. Now, you’re back at work and  nothing could suck more. Pick yourself up with more Paul crooning “Don’t fuck with me, don’t fuck with me” so melodically - any more soothing and it would be spa music. 

Because your boss doesn’t know you’re the boss, push that lame ass aside and regain your steez. KING WIZARD! Addictive beat with classic Cuder-‘tude. 

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12

Oct

FUNK IT! It’s Friday

First up, lets ease into the weekend. Let me just say XL records is hipster musical heaven. If you’re a nerdy musician armed with a drum machine, a keyboard, and an Apple computer, it’s your life’s goal to sign with XL records. Not to take the light from their other artists (to be explored another day). But, Jai Paul would be their next big thing, if anybody knew what he was doing. Enjoy the second of his two indie R&B sexy hits.

Next, let Miguel motivate you for weekend stardom. Live in the present and enjoy the thrill.

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